What Does It Mean to ‘Hold Space’ for Someone?
My personal and professional life have allowed me to be completely comfortable and present with people in pain. While many tend to avoid pain and numb their emotions, my ability to sit with someone in their pain and experiences is my superpower.
To define 'holding space,' I would say it’s our willingness and ability to be alongside someone in their experience of pain.
Holding space involves offering support free of judgement.
It requires a conscious and deliberate choice to set aside our agenda, the need for specific outcomes, and the desire to give advice or "fix" someone’s situation.
Does Holding Space Involve Compassion?
Absolutely, holding space requires compassion. Many think compassion is simply about being nice, but it goes much deeper. Compassion starts with recognizing that something is wrong.
It moves us to a place of connectedness and care. When compassion is activated, it inhibits the fear circuits in our brain, allowing us to turn towards another person's pain and suffering instead of away from it.
Compassion is essential for holding space because it evokes courage and a willingness to be present with another's pain. Without it, we wouldn't have the desire or ability to hold space for someone. Compassion transforms part of our nervous system's stress response from fight, flight, or freeze into caregiving courage. With compassion, we believe in our ability to make a difference and improve a situation.
How to Hold Space Without Letting Judgement Creep In
It’s natural to have judgments, but the key is to consciously decide to "bracket" or set aside those judgments when they arise. Holding space means moving away from our own agenda. We need to bracket our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and remember that we view others' experiences through our own lens.
By being aware of this, we can gently bring our focus back to the person we’re with, what’s happening for them right now, and what they need versus what we believe they need. Holding space is about being other-focused, not self-focused.
How to Become Better Listeners Without Trying to Fix Things
Holding space involves being with distress and uncertainty, often requiring us to enter a space of "not knowing." Humans naturally seek certainty, so it's normal to feel uncomfortable with simply "being with" rather than "doing" and problem-solving.
To practise listening without searching for solutions or giving advice, we can inquire about the other person. Inquiring means asking questions. Any truly wise and empathetic response involves inquiry. Instead of preparing a response in our minds, we can practise listening to each word without the need to respond immediately.
Being comfortable with silence or pauses is also important. Sometimes, a simple response like, "I hear you," "Would you like to tell me more about it?" or "I am here for you," is enough. It’s okay to admit, "I don’t know the answer, but I am with you in this uncertainty."
How to Communicate Our Needs When We Need Someone to Hold Space for Us
It's important to be clear about what we need from our loved ones. Vulnerability invites deeper connection and allows others to be vulnerable in return. Simple statements can be very effective, such as:
"What I really need right now is for you to just be there for me. Not to give advice or fix anything, but just to listen."
"I don’t have the energy to engage in too much conversation right now. It would mean so much to me if you could just sit with me or be on the other end of the phone without the pressure for me to say or do anything."
Simple Ways to Hold Space for Others
Holding space doesn’t always require specific actions or words. Often, just being with someone provides comfort. Presence without the need for words or actions can be powerful.
When holding space, first connect with your motivation and willingness to help and be with the person. Remind yourself, "I’m here to help. What can I do?" Opening yourself up to be present might sound simple, but connecting to your intention changes your physiology. It helps you better read emotional expressions and perspectives, giving you the courage to stay with what’s happening and hope for a positive outcome.
Holding space allows for deeper, more connected experiences that benefit both the person in need and ourselves. It’s a practice of being with each other rather than fixing each other, fostering a supportive and compassionate environment.
"Within the gentle embrace of holding space for another, we create a sanctuary where healing, understanding, and growth can flourish, nurturing souls and strengthening bonds."
Clinton Proud is a dedicated Holistic Counsellor committed to guiding individuals on their journey to emotional well-being and personal growth.
With a compassionate approach grounded in holistic practices, Clinton offers online sessions designed to foster healing and empowerment. Take the first step towards a balanced life—schedule your session today.
#MentalHealth #HolisticCounselling #HealingJourney #EmotionalWellbeing #TherapeuticSpace #MindBodySpirit #SelfCare #InnerPeace #WellnessSupport #HolisticHealing #SupportiveTherapy #Empowerment #SelfDiscovery #Mindfulness #HealthyMindset #HolisticApproach #PersonalGrowth #PositiveChange #EmotionalSupport #HolisticWellness #bewholesomeau
Comentarios